The way down
by Dullahan Collins
Summary: Sometimes the truth hurts, especially when someone regains the memories of their tragic past.


**Fandom**: Supernatural  
**Characters**: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Daphne Allen  
**Pairings**: Castiel/Daphne Allen  
**Warnings**: Violence  
**Rating**: T  
**Word count**: 3,368

**Summary**: Sometimes the truth hurts, especially when someone regains the memories of their tragic past.

* * *

The dark haired man stood motionless, lost in his own thoughts.

"Cas,"  
He flinched and looked towards the other man.  
"Is something up?"  
"N...no? What do you mean?"  
"Don't give me that. You've been standing there for the past twenty minutes. Something is up." He crossed his arms.  
"Dean-"  
"None of your crap. We're on a case, and you're like this. What's the problem?"  
"It's just... Daphne."

_Daphne_. The woman who had taken him in when he had amnesia.

"What about her?" Dean asked.  
"She still doesn't know who I am, or... _what I am_."

Dean was quiet for a moment.

"Well, after we're done with this case, you can go and see her, alright?"  
Castiel sighed, but then nodded.

* * *

It was a long case.

They had been hunting a cluster of vampires for weeks with no success.

"We're hunters, we should've found them by now." Dean muttered, angry with himself.  
His younger brother tilted his head sympathetically.  
"We'll find them, Dean. We always do."  
Dean stood up, and walked towards the door, "Right, whatever."

As he left, he glanced at Castiel who was lying on one of the beds.  
He said nothing more, and walked out.

"Is this my fault?" Castiel asked Sam.  
Sam glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, "No, how could it be?"  
"I don't know," He sat up, "but I feel like it is."  
"It's not. It's been a rough week, so I'm sure he's just tired."  
Castiel nodded as he laid back down, rolling onto his side.

* * *

Castiel didn't sleep.

Sometimes he wanted to sleep, but it was unnatural for angels.  
There were times where he could force himself to sleep, but now was not one of those times.

He stared at the ceiling in silence.

Dean slept on the other bed.  
Sam sat in a chair, his head rested on the table.

He sat up.  
Why didn't he just leave? He could go and see Daphne himself, instead of waiting for Sam and Dean to finish looking for the vampires.  
After all, he hadn't been much help on this case.

He fell backwards and sighed.  
He made a promise to the brothers that he would help them.  
He would wait for them to finish the case.

* * *

The next morning, Sam was hard at work researching.

Castiel hovered over him.

"You know, I could work a lot better without you hovering." Sam said.  
"Yes, sorry. Personal space." Castiel nodded, and took a few steps back.  
Sam shook his head, and went back to staring at the computer screen.

Dean was on the phone with Bobby Singer.  
"Okay. Thanks, Bobby."  
He hung up, and slid his phone back into his pocket.

"I've got it!" Sam exclaimed, jumping up from his seat.  
"Got what?" Dean asked, walking to his brother's side.  
Castiel looked curious.

Sam grabbed the map and spread it on the table.  
"Okay, so the vamps hunt in this five mile radius, right?" He asked, circling an area of the map.  
"Right." Dean nodded.  
"We searched the area nearest to where the victims were disappearing, and nothing turned up. But if you widen the search, he drew a bigger circle around the original one.

"Look, there is a morgue here, so lots of dead man's blood. No vamp would hide near there."  
"Okay." Dean nodded slowly.  
"This side is nothing but water, so there is no where _to_ hide."

Dean's eyes widened.  
"So that leaves-" Sam's voice trailed off.  
"Here." Dean pointed at a spot on the map.  
"Right, it has to be! I've been looking into it, and there are two abandoned buildings around there."  
"So, what? We check them both out?"  
"Woudln't it be wiser to split up so we can see them both at the same time?" Castiel cut in.

Dean shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. Covers more ground."

* * *

"So what's the plan?" Sam asked his older brother as they stood by the black Impala.

"We'll split up. I'll take the south building, you and Cas take the north."  
Sam glanced at Castiel and nodded.

* * *

Sam and Castiel stood not far from the building.

"If there are vamps in there, chances are they already know we're coming." Sam stated.  
Castiel nodded, "And if not, then we sent Dean into a building filled with vampires, alone."  
Sam stared at him with a frown.  
Castiel tilted his head slightly, then looked back towards the building.

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, waiting to see if anything entered or left the building.  
"So when we finish this case, you're going to talk to Daphne?" Sam asked.  
Castiel glanced at him with an almost alarmed look, "Dean mentioned that?"  
"Yeah, he did. What are you going to tell her?"  
"Honestly? I don't know. It probably doesn't matter, regardless."  
"What makes you say that?"

Castiel stared at Sam with a guilty expression, "I am about to confess everything I have ever done, as well as  
explain why I haven't contacted her in the past month, and oh yeah, tell her that I am a fallen angel who nearly damned the  
world time and time again."  
Sam offered a sympathetic look, "Cas, I don't think-"  
"Look," Castiel cut him off and pointed towards the building.

A shadowy figure sprinted towards the entrance, and went inside.

"Think it's a vamp?" Sam asked rhetorically.  
"It is possible."  
Sam raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.  
He grabbed his knife, and they started towards the building.

"You know the plan, right?" Sam asked Castiel as the two stood at the door, ready for whatever waited beyond.  
Castiel gave a slight nod, "Kill everything that isn't human."  
Sam nodded, and kicked in the door.

Within a matter of minutes, the main corridor was nothing but bloody carnage.

Sam motioned towards the stairs, and Castiel nodded.

They crept up the stairs only to be greeted by vampires.  
A dark haired man grabbed Castiel by the shoulder, and flung him across the room.

Sam swung his blade, slicing the man's throat.  
He started hacking and slashing, but was attacked from behind.  
He spun around and continued slashing violently all to no avail.

Castiel squirmed about as the vampires tried to sink their teeth into him.  
He went for his angel killing blade, and stabbed at the vampires.  
Two vampires grabbed his arms, so he started thrashing his legs, kicking with unrelenting force.

Sam managed to kill another vampire, but was then knocked off his feet.  
His blade slipped out of his hand, and when he went to reach for it, a woman stepped on his wrist.  
"I wouldn't if I were you." She smirked.  
Sam flinched as she leaned towards him.  
In an instant, her head was sliced from her neck, and landed on him.  
He looked up to see Dean.

"Honey, I'm home." Dean grinned.  
He helped Sam to his feet, and they both went to aid Castiel.

As soon as they finished off the vampires, Dean helped Castiel up.  
"You alright?"  
Castiel looked at a loss for words, "...Am I supposed to lie?"  
Dean smiled weakly, "No need."

They made their way back out to the car.  
Dean looked at his brother and the angel.  
"You two look awful." He chuckled.  
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Thanks."  
"Do you require healing?" Castiel asked.  
Sam shook his head, "I'm fine, it's just a flesh wound."

He knew very well that Castiel could heal him in an instant, but he didn't like asking.  
Castiel was his friend, and he didn't want him to feel like the only time they needed him was when they were injured.

Castiel - his wounds already healing - just nodded, and got into the car.  
"Wait, not in the-" Dean tried to stop him, but was too late. "You're scrubbing the blood out of the seats." He told Sam.  
Sam rolled his eyes, and got into the car.

* * *

"Alright, Cas," Dean said as the car flew down the highway.

Castiel looked up at the rear view mirror.  
"Colorado?" Dean asked simply.  
Castiel just nodded, for he was at a loss for words.

* * *

Daphne walked along her usual route.

The one where she had found Emanuel.

It had been months since the last time she saw him.  
For all she knew, he was dead.

As she got closer to her house, she looked up and frowned.

There was a black car parked in front with three figures standing by it.  
She stopped.  
The car looked just like the one Emanuel had left in.

She started walking again, faster than before.

"She's not home." Castiel told the brothers.  
"It's alright, Cas, we'll look for a case and check back later." Sam said.  
Castiel nodded slowly.

"Emanuel?" Daphne called out as she was closer to the men.  
Castiel was surprised when he turned to face her.  
"...Daphne?"

The woman ran at him, and threw her arms around him.  
She then backed away and slapped him.  
He blinked, unsure of what to say.

Sam shot Dean a concerned look.

"Do you know how worried I've been about you?!" Daphne cried.  
"I'm so-" He paused, "sorry isn't even a big enough word. But I am. With all that I am."  
She shook her head, fighting back tears, "You're alive... I started to fear for the worst..."  
"I am alive, but-" His voice trailed off.  
"But?"  
"I- when I left, I remembered."  
"...Remembered what?" She sounded almost afraid to hear the answer.  
"Everything. Who I am... _what I am_..."  
Daphne gave a slight nod, waiting for him to explain.

Castiel took a deep breath, being unsure of himself was nothing new as of late.

"My name is Castiel." He said it like he was introducing himself for the first time.  
"I've done my fair share of good... and ten fold of bad..."  
Dean shook his head, but kept his mouth shut.  
"Nothing you could have done can be that bad." Daphne tried to reassure him.  
Castiel looked at her with doubt, "What I did... I deserve to die for."  
Daphne didn't know how to reply.

Castiel glanced at Sam and Dean.  
Dean looked disappointed, and Sam looked sympathetic.

"I fought a war, and did some disgraceful things. I killed my brothers and sisters."  
Daphne shook her head with disbelief.  
"Despite all of that, I am... an angel of the Lord. Or, a poor example of one, rather."  
Daphne's eyes widened, "What?" Her voice barely more than a whisper.  
"My healing abilities are because of that. The war I fought was in Heaven, against one of my brothers."

Daphne looked at the ground, "So-" she tried to speak, but nothing came out.  
"I'm sorry. I can't express how sorry I am, I-"  
"So the people you ki-_killed_ were also angels?"  
Castiel sighed, "Yes."

Daphne was at a loss for words.  
"Daphne, if it makes any difference-"  
"I'm sorry, Em- Castiel... I need some time to take this all in."  
"I understand."

Daphne nodded slowly with glossy eyes.  
She stared at the man for a moment longer, and then turned and started towards her house.

Castiel stood motionless with his arms to his sides, for several minutes.

"Cas?" Sam asked with concern in his voice.  
Castiel glanced at him.  
Before they could say anything else, he vanished with a soft fluttering sound.

Sam frowned.  
Were those tears in his eyes?

He looked at Dean who was shaking his head.  
"Now what?"  
Dean raised an eyebrow, and looked at his brother, "Now we get a hotel, and see if there are any cases around."  
Sam nodded with understanding.

* * *

Later that evening, Sam went back to Daphne's house by himself.

He told Dean he was checking out a lead.

He knocked on the door, and waited.

The young woman opened the door, and looked slightly surprised.  
"Uh, hi Misses Allen, I'm Sam Winchester. I'm a friend of Castiel's."  
"Right, I remember you from earlier." She nodded, obviously still shaken up.  
"Can I talk to you for a few minutes? It's about Cas."  
She hesitated, but then nodded slowly, "Yeah, I guess... come in."

Daphne sat on the edge of the arm chair, Sam on the couch.  
Sam sat his glass of tea on the table, and clasped his hands.  
"How long have you known... Castiel?" Daphne asked.  
Sam thought for a moment, "Wow... it's been four years now."  
Daphne nodded, "What happened to him? How did he get amnesia?"  
Sam hesitated, "Um... he died. Or, we thought he did, anyway. Apparently he was brought back with amnesia."

Daphne stared at him, unsure of how to reply.  
"Look," Sam started, "Trust him or don't, it's none of my business. But as long as I've known Cas, he has always had good intentions. Of course, some of his good intentions led to big mistakes, but his heart was always in the right place, I think. But he's always been there for me and Dean. He's helped us out of some sticky situations. And he's trying to make amends for the bad things he's done. It'll take a lot, but at least he is trying."

It took Daphne a while to reply.  
"It sounds like too much heart is his problem." She murmured almost sympathetically.  
Sam nodded as he stood up, "It's getting late, I should be going."  
Daphne also stood up, "Thanks for stopping by."  
He nodded again, and left the house.

* * *

When Sam returned to the hotel, Dean raised an eyebrow.

"For some reason, I doubt you were actually 'checking out a lead'."  
Sam shrugged, "That's exactly what I was doing."  
"No, I bet you went to see Cas' girl."  
"Why do you say that?"  
"You have that therapist look on your face."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You know, that sappy emotional look you get."  
Sam frowned, but before he could speak there was a soft fluttering sound.

They both looked to see a broken angel standing before them.

"You alright?" Dean asked him.  
Castiel looked at Dean for a moment, and then at Sam.  
"Define 'alright'."  
"Where've you been?" Sam asked.  
"Around. Clearing my head."  
"Drinking." Dean added.  
"Drinking," Castiel agreed.

Dean rubbed his eyes, "Lucky us, we have a depressed angel on our hands."  
Castiel scowled, "I'm not depressed."  
"Sam, use your therapist powers on him."  
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Therapist powers?"  
Dean nodded, "Go, make him not depressed."

Sam and Castiel stared at each other.

"I think maybe you need some sleep." Sam told Castiel.  
He shook his head, "I do not require sleep."  
"Then drink enough alcohol to make you pass out." Dean shrugged.  
"That would take forever."

Silence fell over the room.

"Well, I'm going to get some sleep." Dean finally said.  
Sam nodded.  
"If you know what's good for you, you'll stay here." Dean said to Castiel.  
"Or else what?"  
Dean paused, "Or I'll... trap you in holy fire, or something."  
"Just stick around, Cas." Sam said.

Castiel wiped his hand across his face, "Of course. It's not like I have anywhere else to be."  
"You're sarcasm is flawless." Dean smiled.

* * *

As Sam and Dean slept, Castiel sat at the table, resting his head in his hands.

His head hurt.  
His body ached.  
It wasn't much for an angel, but it sure wasn't pleasant.

This was one of those nights where he just said 'screw it all' and drank copious amounts of alcohol.  
Those nights had been coming around a lot more ever since the would be apocalypse.

* * *

Some time had passed, and Castiel wasn't sure whether he had fallen asleep or passed out.

When he awoke, Dean was sitting on one of the beds cleaning his guns.  
Sam was no where to be seen.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." Dean said almost mockingly.  
Castiel squinted his eyes, "Where's Sam?"  
"Taking a phone call."  
"Regarding a case?"  
Dean shrugged in reply.

Moments later Sam entered the room, slipping his cell phone into his pocket.  
"Time to go." He said.  
Dean collected his things without question, and started towards the door.

Castiel stood up, "Where are we going?" He asked with a look of confusion.  
"It's important, come on." Sam nodded towards the door.  
Castiel cocked his head, but followed without further questioning.

They drove for a short time, and stopped at the hiking trail.  
Castiel looked confused, "Why are we here?"  
"You'll see." Sam replied, getting out of the car.

Dean and Castiel followed Sam for a ways, and then they stopped.  
Castiel frowned, "Why are we stop-" Before he finished, he noticed a young woman standing no more than two meters in front of them.  
He drew his eyebrows together, "Daphne?"  
She offered a shaky smile, "Hi, Castiel."  
He slowly started towards her, "What are you... doing here?"  
"I wanted to talk." She remained unmoving.

Dean nodded at Daphne before he and Sam headed back to the car.

Castiel tilted his head, "Talk about what?"  
Daphne turned towards the path and motioned for Castiel to come.  
He nodded, and they started walking.

The two walked side by side, like they used to.  
"I spoke with Sam." Daphne said, glancing at Castiel.  
He looked at her, unsure if he should be glad or not, "Oh?"  
"And it got me thinking,"  
"About?"  
"A lot of things. About you and what you are..."  
He looked to the side, "I didn't know I was an angel."  
She shrugged and stuck her hands in her coat pockets, "Not so much that, I sorta always knew there was something going on. What, with you not eating, not itruly/i getting tired, and then there is your healing ability. I never thought you were an angel, but, well..."  
He nodded, "Then you mean my past."  
"...Yeah, I guess. It's just a lot to take in."  
"It was for me, as well. And I lived it."

They were both quiet for a moment.

"But Sam told me about you. He said you are trying to make things right."  
Castiel smiled weakly.  
Sam was a good friend.  
"Not to brag, but I am making my best efforts."  
She nodded, "He said you're a good person."  
"And what do you think?"  
"I... I think you're a good person, too. A good person with a rocky past."

Castiel stopped and Daphne did the same.

"Even with all I've done, you still think I'm a good person?"  
She offered a weak smile, "Sure. It sounds like you always meant well. And in the time I've known you, you've done nothing but help people. How is that bad?"  
He thought for a moment.  
He didn't exactly agree with her, but he wasn't going to argue.

"Look," Daphne started, "I'm still working through this all, but as crazy as it seems, I love you."  
Castiel didn't know what to say.  
"So if you're willing to give me time, then I am willing to trust you."

It took Castiel a few moments to take it all in, then he nodded slowly.  
"I can do that."  
Daphne smiled softly, "Me, too."  
He offered a weak smile.

As they started back to Sam and Dean, Daphne offered Castiel her hand and he gladly took it.

When they got back to the Impala, Sam and Dean were still waiting for them.  
Sam seemed pleased that the two were holding hands.  
Dean smirked.

Daphne looked up at Castiel, "I'll see you back at the house." She stood on her toes to kiss his forehead.  
He smiled and nodded.

She went on her way, and Castiel turned to the brothers.  
"So?" Dean demanded.  
Castiel inclined his head, "We're working things out."  
Sam smiled, "That's great."  
"She said you spoke with her." He looked at Sam.  
Sam laughed a bit, "Yeah, I did."  
"Thank you."  
"Er, you're welcome." He seemed surprised.

Silence filled the air.

"So do you want a ride to your ladies' place, or are you just gonna zap there?" Dean asked.  
"A ride would be nice."  
Dean nodded, and got into the driver's side.  
Sam and Castiel also got in.

After stopping at Daphne's house, the Winchester boys went on their way, sure to call Castiel in case of an emergency.  
Sam was certain everything would go back to normal soon.  
And it would.  
Because there isn't really a 'normal' these days.


End file.
